I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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