i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
