Pappa wants mamma naked
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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