so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
