If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
