peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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