yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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