Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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