awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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