I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
