No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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