I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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