Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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