im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
