when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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