i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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