Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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