We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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