We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
