Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
