take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
