i wish my penis had a tongue
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
why do cheetos always look like penises
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize