Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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