I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
