The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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