Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
