Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
