god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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