I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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