you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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