I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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