he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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