if i can run in heels then i can drive
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
