Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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