You can't special order awesome
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
