I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
