Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
