You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
