You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
