Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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