your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I need moral support for this bender
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize