The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
