We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
