I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
