Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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