Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
