If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize