doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
