You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
