Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize