I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
