i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
