Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
