Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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