Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
