Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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