dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So vagazzling was a success
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize