she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
