She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize