If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
