One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i think my cat just said my name.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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