i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
