he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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