NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize