Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There's always time for handjobs
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
