I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
