I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
