I want to walk on stilts...naked
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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