i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
