I'm going to rape someone's good day.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
