you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
