Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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