dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Slut skills are useful in every country.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
