found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
