In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
