I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
