Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize