we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Randomize
