I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
