My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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