I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize