I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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