We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
