she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
