at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
