I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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