I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
not ubering you a puppy
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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