If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
