there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
