just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So squirting runs in the family.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
