cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
