I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I enjoy the company of your penis
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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