Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize