it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
