We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
