So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
