"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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