After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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