For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
