I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
