My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
