I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
