his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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