You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
