he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
