just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
