I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
