I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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