Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
