i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
