have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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