I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and she was petting her beer can
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
