i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
